MITT-BOT SQUEAKS BY IN IOWA
But #2 Santorum thinks New Hampshire will be His

Concord, NH January 6th, 2012 (SHK)

Former Massachusetts Governor and Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney squeaked through the Iowa caucuses by 8 votes this week.

“I’m the only candidate who can battle an incumbent Democrat and win,” he said in his victory speech Tuesday night. “With me as your nominee, Mr. Obama will get what he deserves – a one-term presidency.”

Mr. Santorum brushed aside the Mitt-Bot’s comment like it was just a pesky mosquito.

“Only God knows the outcome of this Holy Primary Season,” he said. “He and I are the only ones in this campaign on speaking terms. Let’s see what happens in New Hampshire on January 10th.”

Mr. Romney never stooped to attack his Republican opponents, choosing instead to hammer away strategically at the President.

“Mr. Obama’s vision of America’s future is the same as Europe’s,” he said. “The President wants to model our nation on their big-government mentality based solely on entitlements, leaving nothing to individual effort or initiative. Americans know this is wrong.”

In a direct appeal to New Hampshire voters whose primary is next Tuesday, Mr. Santorum accused Mr. Romney of abandoning conservative Republicans who are “the Eternal Bedrock of our Party.”

“True conservatives know that our nation was created by God to be a Christian country,” he said in Concord today. “The reason my supporters and I have hijacked the Constitution is to remind ordinary Americans that this country can continue to lead the world only if every last one of us accepts Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.”

Mr. Santorum’s huge crowd of enthusiastic supporters erupted with a thunderous ovation, shouting wave after wave of encouragement. His support in New Hampshire is widespread and seems to be surging with each appearance. The state’s bipolar motto is, Live Free or Die.

“If chosen as your nominee for President,” Mr. Santorum said, “I pledge to engrave the words ‘In God We Trust’ on every license plate in the nation, not just on our currency.”

New Hampshire voters are overwhelmingly in support of his plan to put a Crucifix in every classroom, a Cross on every courtroom wall and a Holy Bible in the glove compartment of every car Made in America.

What’s more, Mr. Santorum said, if American Muslims and Jews refuse to convert to Christ, “there’s plenty of room for them at Guantanamo, and if that gets too crowded we have friends in Cairo, Kabul and Karachi who know how to cure religious intractability.”

Mr. Romney, a Mormon, scoffed as his opponent’s intolerance. “Money talks,” he said. “Every American knows that. Mr. Santorum can’t afford to buy this election next week, but I can.”
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© 2012 Steve Schlossstein
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