Fashion over Fitness at Wimbledon

NEW PERSPECTIVES ON THE WOMEN’S GAME

Fashion Now Dominates Fitness at Wimbledon

London, July 6th, 2013 (SHK)

Great Britain’s new hope on the women’s side is Laura Robson, 19, who made it all the way to the Round of 16 this year.

After the lackluster women’s championship match today, the BBC interviewed Robson over Mint Juleps in her colorful garden.

BBC: Were you disappointed by today’s results in the women’s final?

Robson: Absolutely.  There was no color anywhere in the match.  The quality of play was about as drab as the women’s outfits.

BBC:  Why do you say that?

Robson: Look, everyone knows that the way to capture fans’ attention is to wear knickers of color under a white skirt.  This way you stay within the guidelines of Wimbledon’s all-white tradition.

BBC: Yes, but the All-England Club even made Roger Federer, who’s won Wimbledon seven times, replace his white shoes because they had orange soles.

Robson: Wasn’t that strange?  Following that logic, they should have made Serena Williams replace her orange hot pants.

BBC: Is there now a trend toward high-beams on the women’s side?  Nipples seem much more dominant this year.

Robson: So you noticed!  I changed undergarments this year and switched to Victoria’s Secret hot Take-Me-Now open top bra.  It’s had an amazing effect on my crosscourt forehand.

BBC: Yet some of your competitors have chosen other options.

Robson: Maria Shriekapova is arguably the most traditional.  She prefers the bullet bra pointed bust, inspired by Christian Dior‘s “New Look.”

BBC: But she wears colorful bloomers too, and Wimbledon didn’t make her take them off.

Robson: That’s because she pioneered the Kenosha Klosed Krotch, which draws millions more viewers on TV.  Her favorite color is salmon.

BBC: Hasn’t the No-Show sport thong panty become popular among top-ranked players too?

Robson: I can’t speak for the others, but for me the Tasty Lips no-show crotchless sport-thong panty offers far more range of motion and hip-flexibility than any other.  It’s especially popular among Eastern European women with surnames ending in -ova.

BBC: I thought the thong had been banned by the WTA.

Robson: You’re referring to the notorious case of Ashley Harkleroad at the US Open about a decade ago.  She debuted a sports thong under her tennis skirt, so skimpy that when she served she revealed both butt cheeks.  The Open quickly put a stop to this — followed by the WTA — even though Miss Harkleroad singlehandedly achieved a 35% increase in Open attendance.  She became so popular she made the cover of Playboy magazine twice and was a rocket on the Internet.  You can still find her at http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=ashley+harkleroad&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=9KeqSs-PAYGxlAeJyfzLBg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1.

BBC: Is there a preference among the lesbian players on tour?

Robson: Amelie Mauresmo used to wear Ralph Lauren’s Back Door Panty when she was active on Tour, but I believe today she prefers the Midnight Affair camisole.

BBC: Do these new fashion styles help tennis become more popular among young girls?

Robson: Are you kidding?  Look, the Racy Ruffle open-crotch panty is now number one, and right behind it is the Sweetie-Pie tease chemise.  That’s most popular among the 18-year-olds, so I’m sure we’ll see them under their skirts for the junior tournament at Wimbledon next year.

BBC: Can you tell us what you’ll be wearing next year?

Robson: Sure.  I’m planning to debut the Take-It-Apart body glove, which conforms to Wimbledon’s dress code, so stick around.

BBC: Think it’ll help?

Robson: It’ll catapult me into the final next year, no two ways about it!

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