New York’s Mayoralty Race Tightens Up

BIG APPLE’S MAYORALTY RACE HEATS UP

Disgraced ex-Congressman neck-and-neck with New York’s leading lesbian

New York, July 7th (SHK)

Samantha Curtis hit the ceiling last weekend when she learned that ex-Congressman Anthony Wiener would speak at her daughter’s high school graduation. But when he invoked the “arc of the hero” in his speech, Samantha was moved by his honesty.

“I almost creamed,” she said when he finished.

Because of Mr. Weiner’s antics on Twitter two years ago, when he sexted erotic photos of his weiner to adolescent fans, the Congressman was forced to resign. In a dramatic reversal, he now finds himself tied for the lead in the Democratic primary with the City Council’s openly gay speaker Christine Quinn, New York’s headline-grabbing lesbian and same-sex marriage advocate.

“I got my heart set on being New York’s first lesbian mayor,” she said after a dinner honoring her longtime partner, Kim Catullo, a lawyer. “And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this backdoor bandit beat me to it.  The primary’s only two months away.”

Asked what had changed in his life to bring about such a dramatic political transformation, Mr. Weiner was disarmingly honest.

“I used to wear boxers,” he said, “but they did me in as a Congressman when I Tweeted in shorts. Now I only wear briefs.”

His wife, Huma Abedin, a former senior aide to Hilary Rodham Clinton in Washington, said their objective was to be a Trojan Horse for Mrs. Clinton’s expected Presidential campaign in 2016.

“I take credit for giving Anthony his new nickname,” she confessed. “Everybody calls him Butt Pirate now. It’s especially popular in lower Manhattan, Brooklyn and the Bronx.”

Mr. Weiner could not be reached for comment, citing campaign pressures. But his stump speech makes frequent reference to gays, tree huggers, illegal immigrants, climate change Nazis and Bible-thumping ex-cons, who are now the backbone of today’s Democratic Party.

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© 2013 Steve Schlossstein

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