$2 BILLION LOSS BY J. P. MORGAN SHOCKS MARKETS Reformers on a Rampage – Las Vegas Casinos Overjoyed New York, NY May 15th, 2012 (SHK) After J. P. Morgan reported its historic $2 billion trading loss last Friday, financial markets have been in turmoil. The bank’s stock alone lost nearly 10% of its value – [...]
NEW CAMPAIGN TO LEGALIZE GLOBAL SEX Spurred by the Committee for the Legalization of American Prostitution Washington, DC April 21st, 2012 (SHK) Last week a dozen Secret Service agents were recalled from Cartagena, Colombia, as part of an internal investigation into their nocturnal activities in “tolerance zones” while on duty protecting the President. They were [...]
STUNNING NEW WINES WIN TASTE TESTS Viniculture Breakthroughs from New Jersey to Texas Bordeaux, France April 15th, 2012 (SHK) French winegrowers say they are increasingly concerned about a rash of American wines that have come to market from new wineries in New Jersey to unexpected competition from the state of Texas, where disgraced and now [...]
SHOCKING UPSET IN MICHIGAN Write-in Vote Overwhelms Romney, Santorum Columbus, OH February 29th, 2012 (SHK) Late-night write-in votes Tuesday overtook the slight lead held by Mitt Romney over fellow Republican and born-again Christian conservative Rick Santorum in preliminary results. Press reports initially showed Romney leading Santorum by a few percentage points; national news outlets like [...]
FACEBOOK LAUNCHES EPIC IPO First-ever Trillion-Dollar Market Valuation New York, NY February 4th, 2012 (SHK) Facebook announced this week that it will launch its historic IPO this coming May. The company has been valued at $30 trillion, about twice the size of America’s total GDP. “Our initial public offering will instantly make me the richest [...]
Christmas Now a Holy Day Everywhere Celebrated by Shoppers Around the World New York, NY December 25th, 2011 (SHK) Christmas Day, normally a National Holiday in Christian nations everywhere, is the birthday of Jesus Christ, a popular gay standup comic in Jerusalem during Roman times who is best remembered as the creator of Liederkrantz Cheese. [...]
FOUR ODDS-ON OSCAR FAVORITES America’s Best Films Hype Big-Time Doomsday Scenarios Hollywood, CA December 18th, 2011 (SHK) The American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (www.oscars.org) has short-listed four feature films widely heralded as near-certain Oscar-winners this year. Although there will be ten nominees for Best Picture, these four are considered the front-runners. Game [...]
USED CAR BATTERIES THREATEN FOREIGNERS General Motors now the #1 Suspect Everywhere Washington, DC December 11th, 2011 (SHK) Homeland Security today announced that used batteries trucked regularly from the US to Mexico for disposal there have become an unexpected threat to people and politics alike. More than sixty packed 18-wheelers cross the border from Texas [...]
MORONS THINK WASHINGTON CREATED FINANCIAL CRISIS But Idiots Disagree, Cite Lack of Regulation Washington, DC October 26th, 2011 (SHK) According to the latest Pew Research poll, nearly two-thirds of American adults questioned — 64% — say they believe that the Federal government created the Great Recession. In that same poll, a little more than one-third [...]
New Taxes Now Unavoidable Bipartisan Agreement Narrows Budget Gap Washington, D.C. October 12th, 2011 (SHK) New taxes were agreed to yesterday by Congressional Republicans and Democrats in an attempt to bridge the widening Federal budget gap. Called “Stealth Taxes” because they’re invisible to the ordinary taxpayer, the reaction of the markets was overwhelmingly positive. The [...]
