LINSANITY! Sports Lincredibly Trumps Politics! New York, NY March 10th, 2012 (SHK) The back-office servers at Facebook and Twitter have suffered multiple crashes since Harvard’s Chinese-American point guard Jeremy Lin has given the NBA a much-needed boost in recent weeks. The national network sitcom known as the Republican Primaries, based on the arcade game Whack-a-Mole, [...]
CHINESE CHESS CHAMP STILL THE WORLD’S BEST Feminists See Huge Gains for Women Ahead Beijing, China November 28th, 2011 (SHK) Hou Yifan, the 17-year-old chess grandmaster from Xinghua, China, retained the title of Women’s World Chess Champion Friday by beating Humpy Koneru, the best Indian woman ever to play the game. “I’m very excited to [...]
REWRITING THE RULES OF GOLF Seniors, Electric Carts Prompt Changes Bridgewater, New Jersey September 18th, 2011 (SHK) As summer draws to a close, the United States Golf Association (USGA) today announced dramatic changes to its rules of golf. A rulebook that previously ran upwards of 200 pages has been boiled down to three. Demographics is [...]
NHL UNDER ATTACK FOR VIOLENCE Head Shots, Self-Defense Rules Now Revised New York, NY June 27th, 2011 (SHK) Gary Bettman, Commissioner of the National Hockey League, today announced major changes designed to reduce the level of defenseless violence in the rink. “We have taken our fans’ concerns to heart,” the Commissioner said at a major [...]
FLORIDA PASTOR SETS NEW TREND Book Burnings Now a Contagious Disease? Gainesville, FL May 23, 2011 (SHK) Terry Jones, pastor of the Dove World Outreach Church here, said today that he has no regrets “whatsoever” about burning a copy of the Koran on March 20. “Osama bin Laden is gone now,” he said with a [...]
PRE-FIGHT WEIGH-IN FOR MECCA Jesus, Mohammed Trade “Playful” Jabs New York, NY May 16th, 2011 (SHK) Tommy (Two-Glove) Tintoretto, chairman of the Ultimate Fighting Championships, hosted the pre-fight weigh-in for Jesus and Mohammed for their big bout on Memorial Day, in Mecca, to be broadcast live on HBO. “Lade-e-e-e-z and Ginnamin!” Tintoretto boomed. “Let’s hear [...]
