THIS SPRING’S NEW SCUMBAG SITCOMS Four-letter Words Headline Network Lineups New York, NY March 26th, 2012 (SHK) America’s national TV networks have, in the words of one critic, “spawned a new generation of sitcoms that feature idiotic characters” in an attempt to reach a wider viewing audience. After Charlie Sheen’s recent off-screen drug-addled tempest, he [...]
SANTORUM, PERRY CAMPAIGN FOR CHRIST Looking for Believers, but Finding Romulans Columbia, SC January 14th, 2012 (SHK) Former senator Rick Santorum and Texas Gov. Rick Perry may be languishing in the polls, after their results in Iowa and New Hampshire landed in the low single-digits. But reality seems not to bother either of them as [...]
NEW REALITY SHOWS HEADLINE NETWORK TV Brain-dead viewers soar in number, threaten to make America extinct New York, NY November 9th, 2011 (SHK) America’s top television networks and cable channels have announced their new fall lineups. Standouts among the new series this season are the following three eagerly-anticipated shows. Found ABC-TV has created a new [...]
REPORTER SUSPENDED FOR PROFANITY But the Times Spelled It Out. What’s Going On? Washington, DC July 7th, 2011 (SHK) Mark Halperin, a senior editor at Time Magazine and occasional commentator on MSNBC’s political talk show “Morning Joe,” was suspended by the network last week for using profanity. When the program aired June 30th, Mr. Halperin [...]
NHL UNDER ATTACK FOR VIOLENCE Head Shots, Self-Defense Rules Now Revised New York, NY June 27th, 2011 (SHK) Gary Bettman, Commissioner of the National Hockey League, today announced major changes designed to reduce the level of defenseless violence in the rink. “We have taken our fans’ concerns to heart,” the Commissioner said at a major [...]
JESUS, MOHAMMED FIGHT TO A DRAW! Huge Crowd Disappointed but Ready for a Rematch Mecca, Saudi Arabia May 30th, 2011 (SHK) UFC Chairman Tommy (Two-Glove) Tintoretto jumped up and shouted for joy. He stood in the late-afternoon shadow of Islam’s giant black box, a stone cube with alleged magic powers called the Ka’aba. “The whole [...]
PRE-FIGHT WEIGH-IN FOR MECCA Jesus, Mohammed Trade “Playful” Jabs New York, NY May 16th, 2011 (SHK) Tommy (Two-Glove) Tintoretto, chairman of the Ultimate Fighting Championships, hosted the pre-fight weigh-in for Jesus and Mohammed for their big bout on Memorial Day, in Mecca, to be broadcast live on HBO. “Lade-e-e-e-z and Ginnamin!” Tintoretto boomed. “Let’s hear [...]
JESUS VS. MOHAMMED IN UFC SMACKDOWN On Memorial Day! In Mecca! Live, on HBO! Las Vegas, NV May 2nd, 2011 (SHK) Tommy (Two-Glove) Tintoretto, Chairman and CEO of the Ultimate Fighting Championships (UFC) today announced a unique event in the history of human combat. “We have signed contracts from two of the world’s most [...]
MADISON AVENUE TESTING NEW TACTIC Targets White-Collar Buyers with Blue-Collar Actors, and Vice-Versa New York, NY April 28th, 2011 (SHK) Saatchi and Saatchi, one of the world’s most renowned ad agencies, today announced a new ad series to run on prime-time TV that features everyday-ordinary hard-working blue-collar workers pitching upscale products and services to affluent [...]
KATIE COURIC OUT AT CBS Rebuffs “Airhead” Jab, Prefers “Lightweight” New York, NY April 14th, 2011 (SHK) Longtime newsbimbo Katie Couric, 54, says her $15 million-a-year career at CBS is over, she announced at network headquarters in New York today. “I have nothing but acerbic memories of my time here,” she said with a smile. [...]
