LINSANITY! Sports Lincredibly Trumps Politics! New York, NY March 10th, 2012 (SHK) The back-office servers at Facebook and Twitter have suffered multiple crashes since Harvard’s Chinese-American point guard Jeremy Lin has given the NBA a much-needed boost in recent weeks. The national network sitcom known as the Republican Primaries, based on the arcade game Whack-a-Mole, [...]
OUR TEN WORST PH.D. THESIS TITLES Somehow, the Topics seem more Credible in an Election Year New York, NY March 3rd, 2012 (SHK) A recent report by the National Endowment for the Arts suggests a possible reason for the decline of American influence in the world. The NEA showcased ten recent Ph.D. thesis titles that [...]
SHOCKING UPSET IN MICHIGAN Write-in Vote Overwhelms Romney, Santorum Columbus, OH February 29th, 2012 (SHK) Late-night write-in votes Tuesday overtook the slight lead held by Mitt Romney over fellow Republican and born-again Christian conservative Rick Santorum in preliminary results. Press reports initially showed Romney leading Santorum by a few percentage points; national news outlets like [...]
AFGHANS RIOT WHEN NATO TROOPS BURN KORAN Muslims in Michigan Retaliate, Set Fire to Bibles in Detroit New York, NY Feb 24th, 2012 (SHK) The world was shocked when it was revealed that NATO troops in Afghanistan admitted they had burned the Koran, the Holy Book of Islam, at Bagram this week. “We were told [...]
WITH NO PRIMARIES, WORLD’S ABSURDITIES MULTIPLY The New York Times Features Only Sadness and Guilt Now New York, NY February 18th, 2012 (SHK) With the Republican primary elections in temporary hiatus, America’s leading newspapers like The New York Times have been inundating us with sad, guilt-laden stories from around the world. Recent front-page headlines showcase [...]
CALIFORNIA COURT REVERSES GAY MARRIAGE BAN More States to Tighten Laws by 2020 San Francisco, CA February 12th, 2012 (SHK) California’s 3-judge Ninth Federal district court of appeals voted 2-1 last week to overturn the state’s 2008 ban on gay marriage, assuring that the case will go to the Supremes next. According to the National [...]
“MONEY TALKS!” ROMNEY SAYS, WINS FLORIDA Gingrich Down but Not Out, Says “46 States to Go.” Tampa, FL February 1st, 2012 (SHK) Mitt Romney bounced back with a convincing win in the Florida primary yesterday with a double-digit trouncing of Newt Gingrich. “The primaries are all about electability,” Gov. Romney said last night. “The Republican [...]
FACEBOOK LAUNCHES EPIC IPO First-ever Trillion-Dollar Market Valuation New York, NY February 4th, 2012 (SHK) Facebook announced this week that it will launch its historic IPO this coming May. The company has been valued at $30 trillion, about twice the size of America’s total GDP. “Our initial public offering will instantly make me the richest [...]
ATHEISTS FIGHT BACK, CHALLENGE EVANGELICALS Forecast for Primaries is Partly Murky with Scattered Court Cases Tallahassee, FL January 29th, 2012 (SHK) Jessica Ahlquist, 16, is an outspoken atheist in Cranston, Rhode Island. She has successfully sued her high school to have a Christian prayer removed from a wall in the auditorium. “This damn prayer violates [...]
GINGRICH BLITZ CONQUERS SOUTH CAROLINA Perry Out; Santorum Devastated; Romney Changes his Religion Charleston, SC January 22nd, 2012 (SHK) When the National Association of Evangelical Ministers endorsed Rick Santorum last week, everybody thought the right-wing Pennsylvanian would win South Carolina hands-down. But politics is a game of unpredictable odds, just like the game of craps. [...]
